turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
