Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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