She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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