Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its liver damage thursday
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
