i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
honey bunches of taint.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
