idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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