I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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