Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's great music for shaving your balls
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
