i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
