Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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