I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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