I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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