I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
