Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
