i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
