The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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