Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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