I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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