my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
