I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
