Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
