I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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