sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
