Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
