I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
