And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
