I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
