my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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