Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
