So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
