Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
