Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
