The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
