things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
