dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
