She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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