Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
