Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
