last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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