I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
