whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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