i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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