just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
