Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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