Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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