She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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