Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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