this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
