Screwed.edu
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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