My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
